Ways to Make Sesshomaru Poison You Into Oblivion
by Midnight Soliloquy
Summary: Bordom strikes, hilarity ensues.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Yo from Spice. Misao and I did this together, 'cause science sucks.

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1. Try to get him to play fetch.

2. Go on and on about how he can't even touch Tetsusaiga.

3. Call Tokijin lame.

4. Steal Jaken's staff and whack him repeatedly, squealing "Bad doggy!"

5. Shoot paper airplanes at him.

6. Dye your hair silver and tattoo stripes and a crescent moon on your face.

7. Refuse to call him by name and refer to him as Rover or Fido or some other dog name.

8. Ask him if he has fleas.

9. Put a collar on him and attempt to take him for a walk. (I say 'attempt' because the will probably result in you being brutally mauled)

10. Feed him nothing but kibble.

11. Pet him.

12. Burp the ABC's in his face.

13. Spell profane and suggestive comments in your alphabet soup.

14. Steal his fluff.

15. If you somehow manage to survive, throw said fluff in a mud puddle.

16. Stomp it down good.

17. Bake him a pie, and neglect to mention you 'accidentally' dropped a wrench in it.

18. When he's fighting anyone or anything, show up out of nowhere screaming about chickens.

19. When in a public place, climb to the highest point you can find and scream "Sesshomaru-chan is dead sexy in a miniskirt!"

20. Say his true form is 'so cute.'

21. Team up with Rin and braid his hair in pigtails.

22. Tie the pigtails with pink ribbons.

23. Study him carefully and proclaim loudly that he looks better as a girl than a guy.

24. Stare into a toaster for 8 or so hours.

25. Tell him in your very best mysterious fortune teller voice that he will be trampled by vengeful tables.

26. Chances are he'll make some sort of scornful comment. When tat happens, leap up and jab your finger in his chest, screaming "Thou shalt not question the Holy Toaster Oracle, lest thou procure the wrath of the faithful followers who ask not, but believe!"

27. Dump milk on his head, and lick it off his face.

28. Walk around with a plaid bra tied around your neck.

29. Make up a song about throw pillows, macadamia nuts, and Sesshomaru and Jaken being gay lovers.

30. Sing it loudly, all the time.

31. Walk up to him with a mouthful of mouthwash. Squirt it in his eyes.

32. Give him several shots of strait tequila.

33. Make sure you video tape this.

34. Give the tape to Inuyasha.

35. Beg him to give you a p iggyback ride. Yell, sob, grab his leg and refuse to let go, whatever it takes to get the attention of everyone in a 20 mile radius.

36. Make such a fuss he _has_ to pick you up to avoid making a scene.

37. Whenever he won't give you what you want, call him a fat mean kitty, than kick him in the shins and run away.

38. Lick Tokijin.

39. Make a vanilla milkshake and pour it down his pants.

40. Buy a rubber chicken and name it Minerva Louise. Insist that wherever you go, Minerva goes too. Carry it in plain sight and hug it often.

41. When he gets frustrated enough to maul the thing, sob and cry and all around through a fit. Refuse to even look at him for the rest of the week.

42. Make suggestive comments concerning him and Kagome.

43. Paint his claws a vibrant pink.

44.Accidentally on purpose spill grape Kool-Aid on his fluff.

45. Cover him in Wal-Mart smiley face stickers.

46. Teach Rin the beer song.

47. Throw Jaken at him.

48. Make him an overly long daisy chain.

49. Threaten to throw a tantrum if he doesn't wear it.

50. Throw peanuts at his head.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Spice here. Just so you know, Misao and I are firm believers that Sessy's fluff is not attatched to his behind, so no angry comments about that, please.

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51. Call him Sessina.

52. Hug him.

53. Exist.

54. Tie him to a stake with Inuyasha.

55. Make yourself a hat of frozen waffles.

56. Get up every five minutes or so during the night to hug the nearest tree.

57. Lock him in a very small closet with Jaken for 24 hours.

58. Dye his hair rainbow colors by any means possible.

59. Force him to watch old re-runs of the Muppet show.

60. Give Rin and Jaken energy drinks.

61. Claim it was a 'scientific experiment.'

62. See how many rounds of '99 Bottles of Pop on the Wall' he can take before he swears and draws his sword.

63. Cover his fluff in a generous amount of itching powder.

64. Walk up to him and hand him a spoon.

65. Insist that you go to the pudding mountain.

66. When he says it doesn't exist, start crying and demand he take it back.

67. Mail his clothes to Bermuda.

68. Say they got lost in the triangle.

69. Eat his shoes.

70. Cover every square inch of Tokijin in marshmallow fluff.

71. When he swears, gasp in disbelief and cram a bar of soap in him mouth.

72. Tell him he shouldn't play with magic markers, then strap him down and scrub at the markings on his face with steel wool.

73. Cut off all his hair.

74. Steal his diary and give it to Inuyasha.

75. Replace his clothes (now in Bermuda) with a bikini.

76. Invite Naraku over for tea and cookies.

77. Steal Naraku's makeup and place it with Sesshomaru's things.

78. Drop a bowling ball on his foot.

79. Every few minutes, point up the road at nothing in particular. Shriek at the top of your lungs and dive behind him.

80. Place a colander on your head. Walk around giggling insanely.

81. Bind, gag, and blindfold him. Give him to Kagome for her birthday.

82. When he squashes a bug, cry and give it a funeral.

83. Claim you are an opera singer and sing everything you say.

84. Force him to play chess with you. When he's not looking, replace the chess pieces with checker pieces, one at a time.

85. Screech hysterically that your hair is trying to eat you.

86. Nail his new shoes to the top of Jaken's staff.

87. Ask Kagome if you can borrow Inuyasha's beads, and put them on Sesshomaru.

88. Call him weak.

89. Steal his even newer shoes and replace them with fluffy pink bunny slippers.

90. Replace his strawberry milk with Pepto Bismol.

91. Stick a Chiquita Banana sticker to your forehead and refuse to take it off.

92. Ask him what color his underwear is.

93. Make sock puppets of him, Inuyasha, and Kagome. Act out scenes in which Inuyasha nearly kills him, but Kagome pleads for his life and they end up in some sort of inappropriate love scene.

94. Duck tape Rin to a tree.

95. Glue Tokijin to his pants.

96. Ask him what he would do for a Klondike bar.

97. Get him a subscription to a soap opera magazine.

98. Claim that you are Inuyasha. Wear a dog ear headband and carry around a stick dubbed Tetsuaiga.

99. Give him a book full of NarakuxSesshomaru fan fiction.

100. Glue random silverware to his clothes.


End file.
